★You Have The Right To Remain Violent★
Saturday, December 31, 2005
oooo look at me, updating twice in one month! well i had my first AA meeting friday, it was alright....and christmas fuckin sucked...as usual other than that i've been quite easy going, nothing bothering me like it usually does....im at peace for once...but for some reason, this peace is awkward, a peace of rest, for the past few days i've felt as though i will be dying soon...i see the signs everywhere, so if one day i end up dead, hopefully a family member will read this and put something on here so everyone knows im dead and i was a prophet, i usually can predict the future in unusual signs i see that i convert into representations for other meanings, so i guess this is my fairwell writing in a sence, if the signs stop i'll update about it
Friday, December 23, 2005
havent updated in a while, as usual, well, im in 3 different AA meetings and im on supervized probation, its not that bad, almost the same thing as unsupervised except with monthly piss tests and i'll fail those anyways because i've smoked everyday and im not quiting anytime soon. anyways, i dropped off all my friends because they're just to much hassle with their petty he said she said shit. everyones getting busted by the cops anyways, so why go down for something you didnt do right? what i mean by that is, tuesday at noon of this week my brother and his two friends decided to stop in the shed of a house for sale and smoke some dope, well, a neighbor though they looked suspicious and called the cops, my brother didnt have shit on him nor did the other kid but smurf(who also happened to be the oldest) was the one who had all the stuff on him but the cops still came and ransacked my brothers room, and he didnt have shit on him except really fucked up eyes, which comes to conclusion that going out in public durring the day is not for me either. so as simple as that, i just dont. oh, my hairs purple with pink highlights now, just cant stay away from the color. i dont know what else is new, the candians back and i get to hear all his lovely bullshit stories, oh my favorite...and one of my exes came back from job corp yesterday, now i have even more the reason to stay inside, oh yeah, about being pregnant, i miscarried thank god, i probably would have killed myself if i hadnt. literally...well, i'll attempt to update more but i say that all the time...
Sunday, August 7, 2005
Smurf's almost out of money....we been drinking and getting stoned all day everyday for a week now....jessica came back yesterday and lynn moved yesterday.....im a bit high right now so if this shit doesnt make sense oh well...my hairs dark purple and my eybrows peirced...to bad my camera dont work, i broke it lol oh derk comes back next friday ^_^ and me and mat almost broke up 2 times....and he got pissed at me for hugging jessica, it was my fault!! i was drunk and she kept getting on me!! cant blame me for that can he? no....now im ranting so i'll stop lol
Friday, July 29, 2005
i doubt me and Mat will be working out any longer, i have a cutting problem and a pill addiction and he hates it...he gets pissed at me and acts all emo about it...but in good news, everyone gets paid today so im getting high, and tomorrow im going to see the devils rejects with my brother and his girlfriend, Mat, Kristy and Smurf....and after that im going to Pavel's and getting drunk, and in the morning before all that im going to Jack's and getting high with him and Jacob...and Sunday...im getting high...as usual lol...but on monday, the best day of all might i add, smurf is getting $15,000 and he's buying a trailor and a car and $2,000 worth of bud, can we say smoke out party? and our little maryjane plant is growing up so quick *tear* well...i guess thats all the new news
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
sorry i havent updated in a long ass time...i finally got a boyfriend after me and jessica broke up for the 50th time...well...the news with my new boyfriend...his name is Mat...he's 18 and he moved in with me and he's moving to georgia with me ^_^ we been going out since 4th of july lol i met him once back last december but i just recently got to know him...like a week after me and my brother got to know him/re-meet him...he moved in...and my friend smurf did too! well anyways...jessica lives in maryland with her dad and shit....and im addicted to pills...and i keep having psychotic breakouts without her...yup...well anyways...i got my nose peirced and im getting my tongue done soon...this is all i can write for now...i just snorted some mad pills and im buzzin....
Monday, May 9, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CYNDI!!!!
this is an entry completely dedicated to my cyndi since its her birthday and im nice like that ^_^
10 Reasons Why I Love Cyndi-
1. She loves me
2. She's a good problem solver, even if they never work
3. She does dumb shit with me when we're together
4. Cyndi is the most swetest nicest evilest greatest goodest friend in the world
5. She's so damn sexy ^_^
6. She knows big words that i dont know
7. She will beat people up and kick them when they're mean to me
8. She's entertaining with her dumb ideas that will never happen
9. She helped me sneak into concerts when i got kicked out or i was broke
10. Theres no way in hell you couldnt love Cyndi!
Those are my reasons why i love Cyndi.
Since im cheap as fuck, this is her birthday present, maybe in a few years i can afford a real one O_O
Tuesday, May 3, 2005
the "from here to horrowood" tour is at jaxx next thursday, i cant go....fuckin figures i cant go!!! all because i walked out of the school and got drunk instead o_O isnt that a fucked up reason why i cant go?! justin got drunk and got in a fight IN school and he didnt get in trouble, but noooo, i get in trouble!!!!!! its complete bullshit, and guess who gets to go? JUSTIN!! HE ALWAYS FUCKIN GETS TO GO!!! in the mean time my cutting has increased and my optomistic self has lower, greatly and to add on me and jessica cant hang out anymore because she was with me when we got drunk, and her mom showed up so i dipped the fuck out and left her there with the alcohol....better yet i fell for a guy...my brothers friend...and it sucks(more detail later)....i just feel like shit lately, i might be smokin and drinkin more often but somehow, i fuck up again....
Thursday, April 28, 2005
I've been having problems again : ( I'm a very bad person...i was supposed to stop...but i couldnt, i think i need help, soon i wont have anymore arms, but i cant help it....i just cant...
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
well, i got some pix, but its only 1 of me and 1 of my brother and my new bass, theres only 1 of me because i look like shit in pix ^_^ here they are
Sunday, April 24, 2005
sorry i never update, im always out doing shit! well, i got a new bass, so thats always fun...but i forgot to get an amp, so i went out saturday, got to the guitar center, and it was closed, and i knew it, but i forgot...but, instead i got to see Cyndi!!! i never see her anymore!! well, im gonna get some pix up soon, but first my lazy ass has to take some pix. im finally, but slowly, getting rid of my rabbits, one died and the other 2 have potential homes. And when i move im getting a teacup chuauauaua(<--dont know how to spell).
havent gotten my belly button done yet, but i will eventually, and this summer i think im gonna get a tatoo and my tongue done, jessica's step mom knows hookups and when im down there for a week im gonna get it done...
im only going to be in virginia about 2 weeks into the summer, so if you wanna see me say somethin!! i miss all my friends *sniffle* but i will get to see derk this up coming weekend, if any of you would like me to say hi to him for you just tell me because im going to jessica's grandparents.
oh, sometime this week i hope, i will be dying my hair purple and green, just cant stay away from the damn colors >_< and i'd hate to be admitting this, but jessica ALMOST changed my look, and cyndi witnessed it...but the good thing is i bitched her out today and she said she would leave me alone about it since she's decided to be a poser again and wear skater clothes when she doesnt know how to skateboard and doesnt even own a skateboard! but thats ok, she can do whatever the hell she wants...
my hands are getting tired and i need to get some sleep anyways, i'll try to keep updating
Thursday, March 31, 2005
im back from florida, it was boring and i left my I.D. at home so i was screwed over for gettin my peircing...i had another creeepppy dream about derk last night...it was kinda boring there but we got tons of pictures, i went to the zoo ^_^ AND i got to pet GIRAFFES!!!! i've decided since my lifes once again going down hill (even though im still on probation) im gonna start smoking bud again...but thats it, none of those other drugs.
On to the me and jessica situation, we broke up, and i new it was coming but it was my own fault for not trying to resolve it. She's decided that shes "Gangster" so basicly, she thinks she belongs in the "hood" sometimes i wonder where i find my friends >_<im gettin tired of going through this shit so often. Thats another reason why i've been having trouble trusting people lately... On the good side of all this shit, im getting a baby weiner dog soon, weenice is getting restless and diablo's so old, she doesnt want to play, i decided getting another weiner dog would be good for my puppy so she has someone her own size to play with. And now for the final bad news of the day....i move in the end of june, so most of you dont have that much time left to see me, but i will always have this shit and my aim ^_^ and i dont get out on weekends/weekdays because im always doing homework, housework, and trying to get ahead in my studying so i wont have as much for the next few weeks. I'm already starting to pack my stuff so when it comes to the last minute and no one else has got anything done i can help. i'll put pix on sometime later <3 Nikki
Saturday, March 19, 2005
new colors and shit as you should have noticed, well todays been quite terrible, im still sick, my guinea pig died and Sam's mom is kicking her out of her house. Me and Jessica are probably going to stay together after all, but i wont be spending spring break with her. Im going to Florida for my moms great aunts funeral and then we're going to stay with her grandmother...So things have been going slightly downhill lately. Im getting my bellybutton peirced next weekend. And i finally heard from Anna, she's doing good and off restriction but she can only be outside 30 minutes a day.
But back to the issue on my guinea pig, i think he starved himself since my other guinea pig died, he was really skinny yet he had food and water, and they were both full. i guess i never really relized since i've been fretting over my ferret(he just got his tumor removed, and its luckily not cancerous.
well, thats all i have for today, i have to clean my room, but im going to try again to update as much as i can!
Friday, March 18, 2005
its about time i update, well, i went to the slipknot concert wednesday, and my brother and shane snuck into the pit, they had people cut off a little bit of their wrist bands and shane taped them together and my brother jumped the bars, lol...shane broke his wrist and his knee/shin is bruised to the bone but he got joey's drum stick(fucker wont give me it!!), corey's water bottle, and jims guitar pick...he was limping all cut up and bloodied. Some guy stole joey's water bottle from shane in the pit and we didnt believe him and then he goes, hey, i was standing next to that guy in the pit(while we were in the parking lot) and he goes THATS MY FUCKIN WATER BOTTLE!! so he chased the guy down but he didnt get it back lol Also i saw melvin getting taken out in handcuffs....it was all so lovely ^_^ the shitty thing was clown wasnt there with the whole ordeal with his wifey >_<
Speaking of ordeals, me and jessica are really close to being over, shes a totally different person than i always thought she was...she makes me crazy, i just want to scream and cry and hurt people. its so terrible its hard to explain!!!! well, i get my bellybutton peirced this weekend...i FINALLY saved up money, and thats difficult for me seeings how i have no job(really i begged my mom for money but same thing, right?)
We're having an inspector come out so we can sell the house, im kind of happy but kind of not, i still have a few friends here but, i have ALWAYS lived in stafford! i lived in north stafford from when i was born untill i was 5, and since then i've been in south...its going to be weird leaving my home, but its going to have to be like that. Maybe when i move i might be smarter to figure people out before becoming friends with them...and hopefully that can stop some of the drama in my life. I mean, Georgia isnt all that bad, its just full of stuck up people ^_^ lol
And now for a few random things, im dying my hair purple with green bangs/underlay next month, im going to be doing softball, im passing all my classes A's and B's, i can only smoke half a ciggarette a day, i've gained 20 pounds and im getting even chunkier, and im not so picky about things anymore...i've always been afraid of change, but for some reason, im changing way to rapidly and its scaring me. Im just not me anymore, im life a different person and my friends are starting to get scared, like, if i had the chance to smoke bud or get drunk, i'd turn it down. Im doing better and im getting somewhere with my life, and i dont want to fuck up again. And if you havent noticed, i dont use quite as many explicit words anymore. well...i hope all you havent changed too much o_O
Saturday, February 19, 2005
pix for today is one of me and jessi and the others are just her....they say im better at taking photos than being in them...lol....oh, and you can see my murderdolls jacket cause jessi's wearing it!! and eventually i'll get to the BAD, make that VERY BAD news >_<
Monday, February 14, 2005
see, look, im gonna update more frequently ^_^ well, more pics from today in my gangsta wear lol....and a pic of my brother....well, dont be surprised, i have no makeup on or eyebrows so dont get sick! and some pics of my valentine shit from nickie and <3 Jessica <3
Sunday, February 13, 2005
i havent updated in ages! well me and jessica spend every weekend together and everyone says we look like twins, my hairs green, my brothers on every drug and loosing too much weight, i quit just about everything, i decided im going to college in law school, and me and ashley no longer talk...im getting good grades ^_^ i got my nails done too, well, heres the part where i put up pics...lol
Monday, January 17, 2005
im very sick...i struggle to breathe everyday i wake up and at night i wake tons of times because i stop breathing...i cant stop sneezing either, and my coughing is horrible, when i start to cough, i dont stop coughing untill atleast 5 minutes later...i cant smoke because everytime i do it makes all the symtoms worse...and im sure i have bronchitus...i've gottten it atleast 2 times each winter for the past 3 years...its horrible...im getting a fever too so i just lay around watching movies...i think going outside for commmunity service(in the rain the first week and in 20 dergee wheather the next) is what caused it...i dont think i want to go next weekend if im still sick, and i hope im still not sick by next weekend anyways because derk comes back, i was talking to him and he said he missed me and he wanted to see me as soon as possible and he asked me what i was doing and of course i told him nothing, cause its the truth...i sit on my ass all week/weekend...and so he told me he will try to come down and see me, to bad he doesnt know i have a girlfriend because he's trying to let his dad stay since he's dropped out of school...oh well...i wont break up with jessica over some guy that i absolutely love to death and been waiting for him to come back for ever...but...its to late...lol...im a terrible person when it comes to saying no and break-ups of my own...well...thats enough for today...i think i will go back to sleep...i feel very sick now....
**YoU HaVe ThE RiGhT To ReMaIn ViOlEnT!!!**
Monday, January 10, 2005
today is picture day where i put all my pix on if they look dumb or not
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
my christmas sucked ass...as usual...i lost the gauge that goes in my cartilage when i was sleeping last nite, and i've been staying up all nite, i just woke up...i've had a very shitty week...my family makes me clean like a fuckin slave because my brothers never home, and my friend - who lives with me - just sits around and watches and she knows where everything goes too...but thats ok cause im there to fuckin do it! my rooms trashed from my sister and right now she's spending the week at her friends moms house...i wish i went cause i could jack some bud and alchohol from her...my brother and his friend snuck out the other nite and went through the hole in my ceiling...just made it bigger! so i had to duct tape it back closed...i was supposed to go to maryland with my girlfriend cause she was gonna go to her grandparents and take me with her for this week but she never called me...obviously that was my other idea to see derk but that was shot to hell...the canadian has a fake id but since he's such an ass he wont buy me any unless i fuck em...i dont think thats a fair deal WHEN IM PAYIN! what a dipshit...and he wonders why my brothers his only friend...yeah...he just called the house and my brothers outside and he was yelling at me to go get him....IM IN A FUCK T- SHIRT AND SHORTS!!! what a dipshit...and he lies to much too...kind of like pavel...he lies to much too...but yet he hates andrew...they both make up such bogus stories, you'd think they'd get along....but no...when im around them all they do is complain about the other...if they have a problem with each other, then stop fuckin telling me and tell the each other!!! im not some sort of counseler for those dipshit! ok, now that im done with 1/4 of my complain(dont worry, i'll finish the rest tomorrow)
Thursday, December 23, 2004
it rained, i went outside, and got completely soaked, i walked half a mile in a short skirt, hooker boots, and a t-shirt...im cold and vampirefreaks.com isnt working...this absolutely sucks, im tooooo lazy to change into dry clothes so now im sitting here, freezing my ass off, typing...
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